Permission to Blame GI Joe for Everything

Stay with me..... (Shit, I sound like Ira Glass, but I do ❤️ This American Life)

When I was little, I watched the GI Joe cartoon with my little brothers at the kitchen counter after school.

Dustin would have an Oscar Meyer bologna sandwich with crushed potato chips.
Philip ate a piece of Tombstone pizza.
I liked dried beef on Wonder bread with Miracle Whip

At the end of every episode, there was this nifty little PSA that showed a couple kids doing something wrong, like crossing the street without waiting for the walk sign or panicking when they fell into a pool.

Then GI Joe taught them a lesson.

The kids would say: “Thanks GI Joe. Know we know.”
And GI Joe would say: “And knowing is half the battle.”

I thought this was great news. And I somehow polished that message every day and put it on display in the curio cabinet of my soul.

I guess I took it to ❤️.

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PART ONE: THE HABIT
I’ve been biting my nails…..a long time. Probably since I stopped sucking my thumb at age five, when I was promised Strawberry Shortcake sheets as a reward.

Most people quit by age 30. Not me. I’m very committed to my projects.

And that’s how I see my nails. Strip of white? I can have that eaten by 10:00. And because they cost nothing and don’t ruin my life, all my attempts to quit (hypnotherapy, blood oaths, fake nails, nasty-tasting polish and Chinese dragon balls) have failed.

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PART TWO: THE YOGA TRAINING
Around age 38, I began a yoga training. So positively pedestrian and humdrum now, but a bigger deal back in 2010. It was like cheap therapy that basically taught me: Before you teach anything, you better work out your issues.

My biggest issue? A fast, buzzing energy that didn’t allow me to rest, stop and stay in the present.

During class, Nora, my yoga teacher would physically push my shoulders down every session. “You can raise them up again AFTER class,” she assured me with a smirk.

One day she mentioned I might want to go to REAL therapy.

PART THREE: THERAPY
I’d never been. Absolutely foreign to me. But I loved the idea of someone analyzing me so I signed up right away.

Within a few months, I’d learned a lot.

Most significantly, that my need to bite my nails was a vessel for this addiction. And I realized she was totally right. My nails allowed me to keep DOING and ACCOMPLISHING and being PRODUCTIVE even when I was watching a movie, reading or doing anything for pleasure.

They made sure I NEVER STOPPED.

PART FOUR: THE AHA MOMENT
This aha was BIG!!! I was thrilled to get the story behind my nail biting!!!

I was VERY excited.

I thought of GI Joe in that moment.
Now I know!
This is half the battle, I thought.

“So, ok, now that I know why I bite my nails, how do I quit?” I asked my therapist.

She said: “Just start noticing. See if you can notice it before it actually happens.”

PART FIVE: THE DISAPPOINTMENT IN GI JOE

That’s it? That’s all you have for me? Awareness? Blerg.

After many weeks of attempting this noticing, my nail biting continued at the exact same rate.

This was a blow.

“GI Joe,” I thought, “you have steered me wrong!”

It’s dumb. I get it. GI Joe is a fucking cartoon character. A fucking action figure, for Pete’s sake. And Paul’s sake too. But sometimes you need a scapegoat. I did at at that moment.

Knowing is NOT half the battle. Its’ maybe 1/7th of the battle.

But it’s still REALLY BIG.
It comes from deep within.
It’s an understanding of yourself.
It’s an exhale into the real you.
It’s the FIRST STEP to changing your life.

My yoga training was the beginning of my own spiritual journey. It’s when EVERYTHING started to change. It’s when I discovered a whole new world inside my body and my ❤️.

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PART SIX: YOUR JOURNEY
I’m here to tell you that KNOWING you need….

—more in your life
—to leave your partner
—to quit your job
—to sell your home
—to break your family’s traditions
—to stand up to your best friend
—to break up with your hair stylist
—to fire your assistant
—to spend time alone
—to take charge of your life

Is a BEAUTIFUL first step. And it’s the beginning of the NEW YOU.

And here’s my Public Service Announcement, in the spirit of After School Cartoons.

You are not crazy, ungrateful or broken. You are human.

And I can help you with the rest of that journey.

I see you.
GI Joe sees you. (let’s just pretend)

Love,

Andrea

I’m Andrea….Permission-giver, Hat-wearer, dancer, 20-year Entrepreneur, B Movie Actress. I give women with "Mid Life Meh" permission to change their life so they can stop numbing out to Netflix and start narrating their own fairytale.

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